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An Investment Banker Walks Into a Bar…

2008年10月25日 留下评论 Go to comments

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Q: What’s the definition of optimism?

A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

***

An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.

***

A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’ ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’

***

The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now Britain’s fourth biggest lender.

***

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

***

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?

A; The pizza can still feed a family of four.

***

Q: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?

A: Would you like fries with that sir?

***

Q: What is the capital of Iceland?

A: About $3.50

***

I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don’t know if that meant them or me.

***

Mark Twain was ahead of the curve: “October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”

 

Update:

And the best joke I heard this week is definitely this one (from The Leveraged Sell-Out):

Cambridge, MA—Business schools across the country have been scrambling to add courses to their curricula that will provide their MBA candidates the skills they need to survive in the current economic landscape. Courses like Modeling for Quantitative Analysis and Building Strong Global Brands have been replaced with modules more pertinent to businessmen navigating today’s climate, such as: Monetizing Your Oxen and Bartering Theory—Accelerated. Also, Special Topics In Entrepreneurship: Alchemy. Most popular, however, has been a course at Harvard Business School entitled Hunting and Gathering. Taught in the classic HBS case-study format, the class focuses on teaching students how they can profit from even the most primal ventures. “This week’s case was great,” said one student. “It was about a caveman who killed a boar to feed himself and his family. I read it, and I was like: this is exactly the kind of shit I need to know right now.”

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  1. Shore
    2008年10月25日 @ 12:27 上午

    see the iBanker pic?

    which i like a lot…
     

  2. lei
    2008年10月25日 @ 12:48 上午

    哈哈哈哈,这个灵的。。。

  3. Qianrong
    2008年10月25日 @ 1:51 上午

    第一条好犀利啊~~~

  4. Hareton
    2008年10月25日 @ 1:58 上午

    没感觉

  5. 小kiss
    2008年10月25日 @ 6:06 上午

    现在 b school 最赚钱了。。。有没有上市的 b school啊??
     
    我也喜欢最后一个^_^

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